A Night Walk

“Walking alone at night, in a very dark street behind my house, makes feel like being lost in life’s turbulences and darkness, knowing where I should be heading, knowing the right direction and the right action but never going there; to my house!
I’ve kept walking alone with a flash back carrying all my heartaches and carrying all my pathetic memories. Amongst the memories that keep squeezing my heart away from the present’s optimism, energy and opportunities, I find millions of questions and answers fighting in my head like a jigsaw puzzle that I’m trying to put together not knowing how the final picture should be. I find myself asking if it’s better to have good, bad or no memories at all?
People remember their lovers and cry, on the other hand, others do not have lovers to remember and still they cry for not having one. End of the day, both keep wondering why … and both keep thinking how they would go on and if they can ever find the real one!
I found my tears filling my eyes like the river in a high tide, and pain keeps nagging on my tears to drop out of my eyes like the heavy rain nagging the rivers to flow out of their path and fill the streets.
The pain is a storm smashing everything that comes along, destroying every meaningful thing I currently own, feel or have….I just can’t think of or feel except the pain…no other thing on earth matters.
I don’t know why am I in pain? Is it because I don’t have memories? Or because all of them are pathetic ones? Or because I’m afraid of my next upcoming memory? Or because my fears are chasing me out of love? Or because I’m feeling worthless and it’s tearing me apart? Or because I always give my all for those who deserve nothing? Or because I think I don’t love myself enough to be loved the way I would love to? Or because I keep crying over those who are still crying over their memories? Or because I lost trust in my hopes that I’m terrified to hope anymore? Or because I’m asked for the millionth time to let go of something I didn’t actually have?
Time goes on and I find myself still walking, I’m exhausted and I can’t find somewhere to rest, I can see my house getting further and I’m getting wet … is it raining? Or my tears that ain’t stopping? And I wonder where will my walk end and when will I’ll get dry and how will I hang on till this happen?”

Putting all these questions aside, the only thing I always wanted to make sure of is to have no regrets in my life, knowing that every mistake was a choice, and every choice was part of my destiny and my destiny will lead me to something great at the end, as long as I can take my u-turns in the streets I know I shouldn’t be wasting time at anymore.
…Haven’t I just missed that u-turn??