Thursday, April 26, 2012

'Always' under cover

In Egypt, 'Always' is a word that has two meanings; either "All the time" or the pads used by women during their menstrual cycle. And in an Egyptian Pharmacy, when you hear 'Always' then definitely what's being meant is the one concerned with women only issues.

It all dragged my attention the day I went into the pharmacy to get medicine and found a man that looks in his 30s asking for 'Always'. It wouldn't have been any attention catcher to me except when seeing how he's asking for it. I can assume that out of embarrassment he was turning his voice too low and had no eye contact to anyone in the place including the doctor he's directing his order to. Unfortunately enough for him, he had to repeat the same order again as the doctor couldn't hear him the first time. Fortunately enough for me I was close enough to him to hear him ordering 'Always' twice, when it seems like he would have preferred to get shot killed over ordering 'Always' publicly.

The very first thought crossing my mind was 'How nice of him!" He had to do that for a woman's sake certainly, and had to put him self in such an embarrassing situation (from his point of view) just to rescue a woman, while she might have no clue about the struggle he had to go through to do her something that might seem very simple. But the question is "Why does it have to be any embarrassing after all?"

Same like the idea of lingerie and under wear shops, Durex stands, etc. Even though I might give an excuse to these stuff to be embarrassing in our culture that still suffers to a large extent when the word 'sex' gets any close. Despite the fact that many of those embarrassed ones are sex experts, only, under cover. On the other hand, I can't find an excuse of what's embarrassing regarding the menstrual cycle and whatever is engaged with it. Why can't we say 'Sorry, I'm PMSing' if a man mentions I look tired and asks about what's wrong with me? Why can't we carry the 'Always' we're buying in the normal pharmacy bags instead of those black ones as if I'll either get arrested, harassed, mocked or thought bad of if someone sees 'Always' in my bag. Why can't any man order 'Always' for his wife, sister or daughter normally? Isn't 'Always' another form of Pampers that we get for our children or old ones? Isn't the menstrual cycle just like any other physical change a person might come through?

I'm not asking for breaking down our modesty, instead, I'm asking to stop living in duality. The duality that is present in being modest in what is normal  while forgetting about it when it comes to throwing the worst insults in the street publicly for example! I'm asking to stop leading a hypocritical life, a superficial life that's based on what we were raised on and what the social mirrors reflect on us to do and say without any brains given the freedom of thinking on its own and giving each thing its real weight and value. I'm asking for not living 'Always' under covers.





Safe Love...Love More, Suffer Less

No one is saved from love's killing poisons. Probably we get stuck with our life, lose interest, fall out of love and into depression, lead a lousy misrable life for some time, until something happens to get us back on track again. May it be another love, a new motive in life, or a dramatic change over. Yet, we all have played the love game unsafely, at least once.

After a heart break and heart ache, people usually resign to the extremists' "Love is weakness" syndrome, others fall into the trap of "I can never love again" , others are pain lovers who keep on loving the same way and getting hurt the same way, some might get arrested by the "love fear" sickness and escape every single potential person, while very few think about "Safe Love".
Just like Safe Sex..you can have the tool, to have sex freely. You can have sex freely, yet you don't have 100% guarantee pregnancy (which is pain in Safe Love) won't take place!

From that point on, here are some seriuos points that will help you love greater and suffer less:
1. Let your mind lead. At the very first phase of any pre-relationship, we are usually hungry for love, jumping to conclusions and to the next steps. Love is not blind, Rush is! Learn how to hold your emotional energy horses to give your mind the space to think.
2. Give your mind the right filteration tool to be able to lead your heart. This needs you to know more about yourself. The first filteration tool is; What's your strengths that you need your partner to maintain and the weaknesses that you need your partner to accept, tolerate and compensate the relationship with? If -for example- you have low self esteem, then why do pressure yourself to be with someone who lowers it even more! Never double your trouble just because you want love and to settle. The second filteration tool is your vision. Knowing your vision, how do you want your life style to be, where are your objectives and ambitions taking you in life, should be an indicator to who can support you going there and not on his/her expense, it's because he/she is going there anyway as well.
3. Define Love. Love is not the passion, rush and butterflies we experience at the begining of any relationship, these are only chemistry and biology that fade away with time (which is the time we think we stopped loving the other person and which is not true). Love is never ending as long as it's ever nurtured. Love is the more understanding of each other that we go through and the more adapting and fitting we feel towards the other. Love is only real when it's accompanied by being married, living in the same house, and having complete sex.That's why it's called "Falling in love, because it takes time, has phases and then you're finally in love with the ultimate intimacy that exist in a relationship;complete sex. And that's why also, sex is not recommended very early in any relationship, it's just unnatural to the "falling in love" concept, it might even kill love very early. What's before all that is passion, attachement, liking, admiration, etc, which is important, but don't mix love with other definitions and make it easier on yourself.
4.Give your heart a breath only after you're 100% convinced. Don't settle for what's less than what you want. If that person can't give you ALL what you need and MOST of what you like then this relationship won't be a good lasting one, which means love's pain at the day you might decide to break up. Compared to the decision of breaking up when it's just a mental process that proved an undesired output."Life is just way too fun to be stuck in some relationship that isn't really all that satisfying" (Better single than sorry, a book by Jen Schefft)
5. During falling in love and being in love, don't forget the above 4 points.
Also, always remember that safe love needs safe communication, and needs two to tango to pass the natural turbulances any love and any relationship is exposed to