In hopes...

I wish I could blame you for all what’s been done and gone
I wish I could stand the thought, that’s for me another stun

I’ve got a life to live, yet I’m not able to survive
I’m stuck at all the memories between you and I

Never thought one day I’ll cry, that you are around here
When one day your absence was my greatest fear

I’m speechless when it comes to think
How worthless I am to you now
The sour pain and struggle inside me sting
The deepest feelings and takes me down

Don’t tell me it’s all over, and I have to turn the page
Don’t tell me next time take care, not to get inside the cage

I gave my all to you, but for you … it couldn’t be less
I went mountains high and low enough in order to confess

Went down the road so thirsty, with hopes of finding you
I found you at the end, but you just had to go

Wanted to go back to my home, in hopes to revive
Didn’t know my way back, didn’t know how to drive

It's not really the end of the world!

Seems like we both have reasons to let go
Seems like you didn’t have any feelings to show

Seems like I’ve been always taken for granted
Seems like I’ve been blindly to your side banded

Seems like it was not going anywhere
Seems like I was just a temporary pair

Seems like you’ve been searching all along the time
Seems like you were lying when you said it was fine

Seems like our promises were made to be broken
Seems like my hopes were there to be stolen

Seems like I gave you my all without even thinking
Seems like you went away, without even blinking

Seems like you see me now “the same old story”
Seems like I affected your ego and your glory

Seems like you’re now already with someone else
Seems like you’re not suffering and I’m just a past tense

Seems like you don’t care even to defend your position
Seems like you are selfish and you believed your suspicion

Seems like you now think that I told everybody
Seems like I gave too much excuses and too much worry

Seems like you don’t miss me because you never did
Seems like you never really meant what you have said

Seems like our virtual connection is no longer on hold
Seems like it is not really the end of the world

Before it's too late

Before blaming others...make sure you're not part of their mistake
Before falling in love...make sure you're not tracing what's fake
Before giving up...make sure of the experience you should take
Before thinking of tomorrow...make sure today has no shake
Before crying...make sure it's worth the tears
Before starting over...make sure you beat the fears
Make sure it’s the right direction…before you pull full gears
Before speaking out a secret…make sure there’re no hidden ears
Before thinking of your problems…make sure you count the blessings
Before announcing your failures…make sure you’ve learnt the lessons
Before you’re taken for granted…make sure you should not to be
Before blindly following your desires…make sure you’re really free
Before you spend your money…make sure you’ve got a reserve
Before feeling the sadness…think of the happiness you deserve
Before taking your decisions…make sure you’ve got time to think
Before giving away from yourself…make sure of the benefits you link
Before you mock others...make sure you’re not doing the same
Before you rush in…make sure you understand the game
Before saying a word…make sure you won’t regret
Before leaving anyone…make sure they’re not upset
Before you go to sleep…make sure you’ve hurt no one
Before time comes to die…make sure you’re mission is done

Sweet Obsessions...may kill you

‎"this loss overwhelmes me,it burns in my stomach" her thoughts kept evovling, remembering every single break down and she thinks like:

"Are the lessons worth the loss?"

One fact that freaks me about life is that what goes never comes back and what's coming will certainly go one day!

Wish I could pause on the happy moments,wish I would fast forward the moments of grief, wish I was not forced to replace my heart with a stone....

But pain left me optionless in the world of hearts...wherever I turn and look, I see squeezed hearts, dark hearts, broken hearts, torned hearts, dead hearts........


The MAY BEs that never show up........the expectations that always hurt........

Are there any outlets from that hell?
or any painkiller for the pain?
or any exit from that dull closet?
would any one stop the alarm?
would anyone shout at that child screaming out there?
would anyone hand me a sleep aid?
would you just leave me alone?

"She"...Inside Out

Stroking her lonely nights
Turning on all her lights
Hiding away from sights
Her feeling that is right.

Painting a portrait of her mystery
Drawing a smile on her misery
Trying to live her fantasy
Escaping the facts of scarcity

She prays that dreams come true
Wishing this feeling never grew
Wondering how she’ll get it through
She wants to get out of the blue.

She longs for this tender heart
To come and decorate her tart
And never to feel apart
No need for aches to start.

She thinks of yesterday
The pain that went away
Afraid it can come her way

She thinks of today
Her strengths are almost astray
Her heart tells what she obeys

She thinks of tomorrow
Her love is no more hollow
And brighter is her halo

Thinking of the future, it’s not always necessary that we plan ahead, but it’s fantasies. Fantasies that take us away from the bitter reality…not essentially because reality is dreadful, but because it’s not like how we wish it could be.
Are you for real or is my roller coaster still in my fantasy realms?!

When you're gone

You're my easy way out,
but I'm not used to choosing easy ways out!
I'm well known for going through hardships and challenging the easiest..
might be perceived as a pain lover...but I'm a believer

My internal struggles are never ending,
peace can't find its way through to my mind or heart....
except when I'm with you
But it's a different kind of peace, that I become too ignorant to understand and explain...but let me try though...

It's the peace of stabilized heart beats, smooth breath taking, relaxed body, and guilt free feelings...it's even more

With you my heart's nude..yes it is.

But it's not too long when things happen that trigger wild waves of every good and bad thought into me...

Like a bottle of soda that has been shaked too strong and can;t find any opening to be released,
Like a child that keeps crying loud too much in hopes to get heard or that any one would understand him, yet there's no one around,
Like a prisoner who's been unfairly judged, and is hitting his cell's wall too hard, he watns to get out, he can't bear the unjustice...but no one can do him anything,
Like a helium balloon that slipped from the kid's hand; it kept dizzling among the clouds, with no place to go...
Like a tornado that's non-stopping...

That's me,
when you're gone

We're not apart !

It's like I'm too close to you as much as far,
too opened to you as much as blocked,
too loving to you as much as annoyed.

Today with you is nothing but a burning candle,
and tomorrow is nothing but the burnt candle's fumes
but guess what? ... I like it

Don't tell me you want me because I want you even more,
but my guards won't let me go...
they say I deserve someone who fights for me...who shows me to the whole world..
Their words seem appealing and convincinvg,yet I don't mind letting them down for you..

We're not apart as long as we're under the same skies,
and as long as the same memories were written in the pages of our minds
all what's inbetween is distances, only distances of space...but not that of mind or soul...

Turning the page

“It’s never easy to turn on the page,
To admit that it’s a past tense,
And when we’re strong enough to turn it,
We might not be strong enough to stick there, in the new page

It’s like the past keeps chasing us,
Chasing us away from our dreams,
Away from our present,
Away from the happiness we deserve

Holding us from seeing through life
It’s like a cloud blocking the sun
A playhouse curtain,
Hindering us from seeing the play…..our life

We escape and run and run and run,
In the hopes that we can detach,
Or that it might return,
But nothing happens…
We just stay there…somewhere between the past and the present
Being here, but living there”

But as soon as turning the page…if I could do it, I find myself in a new page but which is not quite different than the last one…I slip quietly into the realm of my own. Is that really me? Or just someone else I don’t know!

Suitcase of memories

“Keep searching among the pictures
Keep holding on to the textures
Of nice memories

They ended with happiness
They ended with sadness
“Lots of harmonies”

Like I’ve sweetened the taste of pain
Like I’ve adopted all what’s insane
“Rapport with enemies”

Give them the weapon to kill my hopes
Introduce them to the ghost that horrors my thoughts
“Enough for fantasies”

They say; Live the life day by day
Wait your dreams to come your way
“Good bye autonomies?”

No will to mend the broken hearts
No sin releasing all my guards
“On a Sale for dummies”

In search for love to water the thirst
Ring the bells “You will be hurt”
“Suitcase of memories”

Raise hands of passionate objection
Welcome deniable rejection
“Stay miserable companies””

It can’t get worse. Oh my God, here’s the u-turn. It’s time to turn the page. Let it go, start a new page and draw it the way we would like it to be. But is it easily done as said? Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!! Rollercoaster is ……spininggggggggg

No Regrets

“If I could turn back the time,
I wouldn’t have done anything different
It’s all been written and it’s all just fine
I admit my past and I can’t sign it “absent”

The decisions I made would have been the same,
The circumstances I passed, I won’t ever blame

The paths I chose, I do not regret
Even the tears I cried and every hit

I made my best to make it all right
I tried my best to get through to the light

Faults, yes… I had a few
I learnt from them and their consequences I chose to chew

If I had the option to turn back the time
I wouldn’t have chosen except the present time

It’s where I am now, and still have much to live
I’m not out of life, and still have much to give”


Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that each one of us is living with a suitcase of memories. Sometimes this suitcase is just too heavy to carry along, so we either choose to sit beside it, avoiding detach … or we just leave it and move on!

A Night Walk

“Walking alone at night, in a very dark street behind my house, makes feel like being lost in life’s turbulences and darkness, knowing where I should be heading, knowing the right direction and the right action but never going there; to my house!
I’ve kept walking alone with a flash back carrying all my heartaches and carrying all my pathetic memories. Amongst the memories that keep squeezing my heart away from the present’s optimism, energy and opportunities, I find millions of questions and answers fighting in my head like a jigsaw puzzle that I’m trying to put together not knowing how the final picture should be. I find myself asking if it’s better to have good, bad or no memories at all?
People remember their lovers and cry, on the other hand, others do not have lovers to remember and still they cry for not having one. End of the day, both keep wondering why … and both keep thinking how they would go on and if they can ever find the real one!
I found my tears filling my eyes like the river in a high tide, and pain keeps nagging on my tears to drop out of my eyes like the heavy rain nagging the rivers to flow out of their path and fill the streets.
The pain is a storm smashing everything that comes along, destroying every meaningful thing I currently own, feel or have….I just can’t think of or feel except the pain…no other thing on earth matters.
I don’t know why am I in pain? Is it because I don’t have memories? Or because all of them are pathetic ones? Or because I’m afraid of my next upcoming memory? Or because my fears are chasing me out of love? Or because I’m feeling worthless and it’s tearing me apart? Or because I always give my all for those who deserve nothing? Or because I think I don’t love myself enough to be loved the way I would love to? Or because I keep crying over those who are still crying over their memories? Or because I lost trust in my hopes that I’m terrified to hope anymore? Or because I’m asked for the millionth time to let go of something I didn’t actually have?
Time goes on and I find myself still walking, I’m exhausted and I can’t find somewhere to rest, I can see my house getting further and I’m getting wet … is it raining? Or my tears that ain’t stopping? And I wonder where will my walk end and when will I’ll get dry and how will I hang on till this happen?”

Putting all these questions aside, the only thing I always wanted to make sure of is to have no regrets in my life, knowing that every mistake was a choice, and every choice was part of my destiny and my destiny will lead me to something great at the end, as long as I can take my u-turns in the streets I know I shouldn’t be wasting time at anymore.
…Haven’t I just missed that u-turn??

Diary-9: Never Give it Up

“Never let your grief control your life
Never stay down too long
Because the world won't stop for you

It may hurt us deep inside
It may leave traces to hide
It may be hard that we abide

But every night brings a new day
All the wounds will heal one day
Just keep the hope and always pray
No matter how long, it will not stay

Or it will leave just a darker tissue
Just to remember but it won't be an issue
So, say no to whatever slows down your life's rate
Follow your dreams and achieve them before it's too late.”

It really feels good feeling above things. Never caring to whatever distracts you on your journey. Never looking back and losing sight. But sometimes, we just can’t help but look from the corner of our eyes at our past and think of it. Would the past bring more of good or bad memories? Or nothing at all? What about the question marks that never found their partners…their answers?

Diary-8: Don't let go

“The longer you wait, the sweeter the prize
The harder it gets, the shorter the heights

And if worse things go, the sooner they’ll be better
If it seems to be far, don’t let your hopes scatter

If your dream didn’t come true, tomorrow it will
Just keep up the spirit and keep strong the will

If you once failed, then success is a step nearer
Step out of the shade and make your goal clearer

Don’t you escape, you’ll push your dream away
Just love it the most and think of it all day

No sun rose before except after the dull
No heaven feels good except after the hell”

Diary-7: Me and Myself

It’s amazing how we might sleep in a particular state of mind and heart, and then wake up in a totally different one. Yet, our own battles are always present. When we’re losing hope the most, strength comes from above to keep us moving, to give us hope. It’s like energy to be able to ride on the coming roller coasters.


“I say “life is unfair”
I say “God is fair”

I want to burst out crying
I think “Happiness comes when smiling”

I feel “I can’t go on”
I think “You've got to be strong”

I suffer from too much trying
I say “It’s the only option till dying”

I say “I’m hardly hit”
I say “This is when I should most stick”

I think “I need a helping hand to get me through the harm”
I say “It should be this hand at the end of my arm”

I shout “Just get me out of here I want a better place”
I think “don’t lose hope when slow is the pace”

I keep searching but I can’t see the sun
I think “Then stop searching and go have some fun”

I think “There’s no more hope to hang on”
I say “It’s there no matter the road how long

Life is short
Life is challenging

When it ends, it seems like a blink

So when living life, don’t let it disappoint you
Live it happily
Live it to the most

If it’s bad
Be worse
If it’s hard
Be harder
If it’s strong
Be stronger
If it’s bold
Be bolder
If it’s anything
Be anythingier

If there’s a will, definitely there’s a way
Life is offering us a long menu of possibilities to get through to what we want to achieve

Our strength revolves only around our tolerance and patience to what life is bringing to us
Our happiness lies in how much we control our perception to what’s going on

When feeling down
And out of struggling power
Take some rest
But don’t ever give up
You’ll be the only loser
The world never stops for our grief
Life never gives second chances to the weak”

Sounds good, and there’s more yet of this spirit to come. The more we give of something the more we have of it, they say. Like the saying “What goes around, comes around” it works for good things as well.

Diary-6: Taking off my skin

Yes! I have figured it out. It’s chocolate cakes and it’s not mirage. It’s just that we forget to heal the pain before getting hurt again. And if only we gave ourselves the chance to heal, we wouldn’t have had to use too much bandages, covering the wounds on the surface, never knowing how deep was the wound and how would it affect our next encounter!


“I haven’t noticed this happening to me,
It was too quick, it was invisible,
After each wound, I used to place a bandage,
This is what I learnt to do, this is what they told me
I thought this is the most right thing to do
To stop bleeding, not to lose much of me,
And I had lots of bandages, with different shapes and materials
Finding the right bandage for the right wound is an art I used to excel at,
When I ran out of bandages, I would go do anything just to have one
I turned crazy, I turned into an addict,
Who might hurt herself only to feel bandages on her skin,
Cover your bleeding, look good with a bandage than a pierce, and move on with your life
This is what I used to tell myself and this is what I used to do
Till one day came, and I found bandages all over my body,
Can’t see a tiny space of my real skin,
It didn’t look good, it didn’t feel good,
Trying to take off the bandages…ouchhhh it hurts too much
But I have to; I don’t like myself like that
I found my fragile, wounded skin still bleeding,
I found it damaged,
I found it dying,
I discovered I forgot to purify my wounds, I overlooked healing them,
Tissues are dead, cure is hopeless,
I just have to take off my skin”

Help … I’m in a coma