10 reasons why you need to read "Chocolate Cake"

1. It's a book about life and love, you will definitly understand it. Specially that the choice of words is not complicated.
2. You will find some -if not all- thoughts in the book hitting on an experience you once went through.
3. You will find the words expressing what you might have been unable to express at a point of time
4. It's only 106 pages, can be finished in one day. SO youdon't have to worry about how much time you'll spend reading it.
5. It contains some theories, or practical experiences brief, which canbe helpful for you to go through certain situations in your life
6. It will help you convert negative experiences into positive outcomes and feelings
7. If I am your friend, then this is a reason why you need to read it. Support :) Else, what friends are for?
8. If you're a chocolate cake lover, that's another important reason to read it.
9. You can find many quotes inside the book that might change your paradigm shift towards certain things in life
10. It might inspire you to think about extended concepts or even to write about them

Where to find the book?
Check its page on facebook to know and share the discussions:http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643#!/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643

Quotes I wrote...19.5.2011

• It's not what you say...it's how you say it. It's not what you say...it's what you do that conforms to your sayings


• Life without love is like not living at all


• Even though it seems like a step closer to you, but it's the same step that pushes me even further.


• Don't search for love...THINK about it


• Distances of souls are far more meaningful than distances of place.


• This is a time when the extremely uncommon becomes extremely common. This is a time when who is not solid enough would be common enough. Just because solid enough won't be enough.


• The day I had let you go, was the day my life returned back to me. I just happened to notice later that it doesn't fit with me anymore
  


• Still one piece...still breathing...but unsure she's alive. Pain is harder when it's accumulative. Forgetting is not easy when forgiving seems impossible
  


• Satisfaction is a bless. It doesn't need materialistic nor emotional coverage. It's just a bless from above.
  


• Can't you feel the coldness of loneliness? It's freezing...like hell. A freezed century in a moment's time. And it's killing the most when you have many people to be with, yet you find yourself stepping back under the conviction that you won't be enjoying your time with
  


• Some people are just lucky; they find what they want before even wanting it. Others pray for what they want and get it. Some wait too long before they get it and might get it when they lose interest. Others just keep waiting for a dream that's destined to never come true. Yet, they all suffer in different terms
  


• It takes a woman only ONE lie to lose her trust in a man...ONLY one lie
  


• For everyone who hurt me or caused me pain. Thank You for making me stronger. You gave me something I didn't deserve. And I'm giving you forgiveness, which is also something you don't deserve
  


• I believe that the stronger people seem to be, the more fragile they are inside...and vice versa
  


• People forget that what they say, will never be unsaid...and what they do, will never be undone. Effects last a lifetime, whether good or bad
  


• We truly know ourselves, only when we go beyond our own limits...
  


• More important than understanding each other when talking, is understanding each other in silence
  


• Any person can be unsure of what he wants and dreams of, but how can someone be so unsure of what he feels towards what already happened and signed pages of his life book?
  There are some truths that are never realized nor believed, no matter how long they stay and no matter how sane we are
  


• Sometimes we escape from the life that we can't bear anymore to a life that can't be be even lived
  


• In every situation you pass through and every person you are with, you choose to see the things that make you happy or those that make you sad...
  Soon is only really "soon" when it seems like never happening

Visit my first book's page at:
htp://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643

My first book OUT: Chocolate Cake. Diaries after release.

"How do you feel?" ... has been the most common phrase/question that I heard over the last couple of days.

My first book being released and published! WOW!

The idea itself is still a new introduction to my psychic system, that it's taking me some tme to analyse or understand how do I truly feel.

It's not just happiness. It's not just an achievement. It's not just people's eyes brightening around you. It's not just the smile on my face that I don't know how to hide it. It's not just a wind of change. It's something else...may be a mixture of all these things, may be something brand new that I still need some time to grasp and understand.
Other friends of mine expressed their worries that I might change, that we might no longer be close friends, and that I won't be available like before! Of Course NOT. As long as I have good friends around me, why would I let them away? Moreover, you're one of the reasons why I'm where I am today.

Some were very curiuos, when they found their name in acknowledgement page in the book, to know what were the thoughts they inspired me with. I guess everyone would wonder at a point of time, which of the thoughts concerns him/her. Whichever they are, I am grateful that you were the trigger that blew all my thoughts on paper and gave me the first step to be an author.

I received a phone call from my cousin yesterday, who has just started his photography exhibitions recently and who is going through the same feelings that I"m expecting to go through. All his words indicated that this is a life's turn around, specially inwhat concerns my social life!

"How do you feel?".."I"m so proud of you" .. "From where can I get it?" .. "I got it" .. "I love the cover" .. "How did you do it?" .. "I wanna do the same" .. "You're dream came true" .. "One day 'll tell my friends that I have a friend who's a famous writer"...all were phrases and questions that were condensed since I announced the release of the book. That's beside the congrats, the kisses, the hugs, the photos, the flowers and all types of greetings received. Actually, my writing skills cannot find words that express how happy I am. All what I can say is that I've never been more grateful than now, grateful to you all and to God in the first place.

Follow the book "Chocolate Cake" at:http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643

The Blue Cafe -Short Story

He left his couch. Got dressed in the only clean shirt he has got in his closet, and jeans. Washed his face and brushed his teeth, combed his hair but haven’t looked a second at himself in the mirror, even though he did all that in front of the mirror. He grabbed his keys chain off the living room table. He turned off all the lights, opened his apartment door and left. Drove his car, not knowing where he’s heading. He just wanted an outlet, a renew, a solution, a recovery..just a way out of that cloud he’s been hanged within since so long…as if his house was that cloud and getting out of it would get him out of the cloudy weather…he felt so.

She’s on bed, thinking. She’s been in bed since so long. Her “sleep” mode, her “bed” mental syndrome that seems to never be apart from her living pattern. Doing nothing but living her fantasy. She realized she can’t stand this state any longer. She went up, had a shower, put on a white evening dress that gives her an angelic look, put on her natural make up that lets her look pure and fresh, sprayed her elegant perfume that would torture anyone in her close arena . She grabbed her keys chain off the living room table. She turned off all the lights, opened her apartment door and left. Drove her car, not knowing where she’s heading. She just wanted to wake up from the state she’s in. She wanted someone to throw cold water on her face, or slap her in the face to wake up. She wanted to clean all the dust that had accumulated on her and her heart as a result of staying still for a long time. As if, dressing to impress and getting out of her home to no specific where, is what will wake her up…she felt so.

He and She, the cloudy weather and the sleeping princess…met by destiny at a place they both reached by their cars when they left their house. A place, yet, not a destination…might be a transit, or might be a good accommodation…or might be only a state of mind, a state of souls or a state of being.
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Far away…behind the mountains, the rivers, the forests, the skies and behind anything anyone could imagine, the blue café existed.
Yes, it exists in us, at the back ground of our thoughts, behind the walls of our imaginations.
The Blue Café; a place of peace and a source of happiness, regardless if this would be temporary.
It’s a little spot, that’s opened 24-7…in our minds. It’s a hub that gathers your dreams. It’s a refuge.

The blue café is not blue in its color as blue in its senses. And it’s not the blues, rather, it is the blue of the ocean; deep, wide and embracing. There’s no ending to the blue café, no boundaries and no people, there are no creatures at all and that’s why it’s never ruined, unlike our imagination. That’s why people always dream of the blue café but they can never really go there. Yet, you can virtually –feel- like being there.

In the Blue Café there’s no one but you, even though it’s full of people. Everyone is in his own universe and you cannot see them there or feel their presence. You cannot see except those you want around you, even if they’re not present at the blue café at the same time you are.
When you put in your first step inside, you find nicely dressed and handsome receptionists welcoming you inside. “Welcome to the Blue Café, we wish you happy moments” they say. They also give a pair of wings for every visitor when entering the blue café. That was essential to have a seat, just like the essentiality of reserving before going to a special place.

Everyone at the blue café is accustomed to the blue café traditions, as if they belonged there or as if they were the founders, or as if they were special clients who are used to visiting the blue café a lot.
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“He” and “She” have always dreamt of going to the blue café. They thought -from what they hear- that it’s positioned by the sea, some said it’s over a mountain, others said it’s an island in the middle of the sea, others assumed it’s a café hanging among the clouds, and others have let their imagination guide them to a café that is placed over the rainbow.

Some people even got down to the details of it; it’s decoration, the seating, the types of music that are played, the programs which fill the café with life and even the menu and what type of food is offered, however, these were only imaginary descriptions.

“He” parked his car and entered the café. It was full of no one but him. “She” parked her car and entered the café. It was full of no one but herself and that other man.

Same table, same seat, same order, same impression.

She stood up, took two steps forward towards the other table, where “He” was sitting, pulled out the chair opposite to him and made herself comfortable on the chair.

Neither of them talked or moved, yet, that doesn’t mean there was no communication happening!

The words kept running across their minds … Just like how their soup was mixed up in the bowel in front of them. Yes, it was one bowel…they decided to eat it together with the sweet and sour taste it brings. They couldn’t really catch a snap shot for what they truly wanted; like people who lost their way to heaven, or those who lost their way in hell, or even those who were lost wondering if they’re the ones who know or the ones who don’t care.

Their wonders and their thoughts drifted them away…away from the joy of the moment,and away from the real moment of joy. Their words were still stuck at their throats, and their soup wasn’t getting any colder.

A song was playing at the back of the scene. It moved them from where they are, to where they would like to be, or to a déjàvu that flashed back many buried memories…yet still hung dreams… dreams that are portrayed and are decorating the walls of their hearts; the hearts that grew old when they were so young…yet still beating…beating to live, but seldom it is living to beat.

Their hands longed to touch, their bodies long to melt, their breaths longed to meet, they missed intimacy, not in itself, but with each other. Their knocking calls were stuck at their throats… and their soup wasn’t getting any colder.

They put on to each other a visionary gown of hopes, perfectly simulated the roads to ends, and consciously established a code of excuses, with no promises to hold on to.

In silence it was all shared…In public it was all noticed…In vein it was all claimed. Their hopes were stuck at their throats, and their soup wasn’t getting any colder, and it was all kept as their little secret, locked up at the blue café.

That was all a two way communication between them both, a moment of deep interconnection, the spark of passion mixed with a glance of fear, the boldness of obsession together with shyness of expression, a briefed history background movie played that was mingled with the unknown alternative scenarios. Nothing is meaningful more than the silent interaction; nothing is dreadful more than knowing it, yet, not having a proof.

By the clock, they’ve just met. But by the blue café’s world, they’ve been always there together. Their eyes kept hanging on each other; they haven’t yet expressed a word, but it wasn’t too long when the waiter interrupted and helped the ice berg built by the days being apart to melt.
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“Would you like to make your order now, Sir?”

For a moment, a snapshot could have been taken for the same thought thread flashing across their minds. What type of order? Yes, if there’s an order I can make, it’s that to escort us to each other, it’s to remove all the barriers between us, it’s to blink and see us together –with all what together holds of meanings.

The waiter took the orders and slipped away, as if he could sense he had disrupted a calmly flowing conversation between two lovers.

“I’m so down since you went away”
“This would double my trouble. I’m so down too”
“I miss you”
“I miss you more”
“Where have you been?”
“Close”
“What do you know that’s new?”
“I’ve stopped knowing anything new since you became a history”
“Why did you leave me?”
“I wanted to ask you the same question!”
“I’m sorry I hurt you”
“It’s me who has to apologize”
“Where are you going to?”
“I want to go with you”
“Come here”
“I want to, but I can’t...I’m still the same old story”
“Why are you complicating things?”
“Complicating things comes with different terms to you”
“I don’t care, I just want you and no one but you”
“I know, I want you too and no one but you. But I don’t want to get any of us into trouble, I don’t want to lose myself, I don’t want to cry at the end, I don’t want to seem stupid, I don’t want to ruin our friendship”
“Come on, nothing would happen as long as we’re honest and as long as we know when to take a u-turn”

“That’s the point, I don’t want to have a u-turn with you, I just want to drive the high way with you, to a destination that we both agree on and that no matter what happens and no matter the differences, we’ll do what it takes to reach it safely and happily; that’s the meaning of love. It always finds a way through”

Here, the conversation’s thread of thought seemed to come to an end, without any clear reason regardless the excuses being explained. And it doesn’t matter who said what in the conversation, because each one of them was saying something and thinking the other"

Here, the blue café seemed different. The blue café crashed with reality, that sometimes no one really understands, even the person explaining it. The reality made up by us, the reality we perceive and that might not essentially be the real reality.

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Love..

People who take a repelling action against love, brings me great wonders.

I understand that they might have been hurt more than once before when they loved, I understand that they might have loved and never found the endings they've been hoping for, I understand that may be they perceived love as a mirage or as a fake dilemma, or as a whip, or as swirl, I understand that they feel it's weakness, fragility and surrendering infront the one you love.

What I don't understand is how a person can live without love, without feelings, without passion, without compassion, without longing? Yes, Love is weakness but a sweet one.

Yes, Love is painful but a spicy one.

Yes, Love is a dilemma but a joyful one.

There's nothing sweeter than surrendring infront of the one you love, nothing greater than letting your guards down infront of the one you love, nothing amusing more than a moment of longing and passion with the one you love.

Yes, love is not everything but it is something that cannot be lived without.

It's the magic that overwhelems your life and makes you see everything beautifully.

It's the power that makes you forgive the most fatal mistakes.

It's the wheel that redirects your track.

It's the spirit that makes you compromise.

It's the energy that smoothly pushes you to overcome all obstacles.

It's the young cells spreading i nour veins again.

It's the strength of weakness. Whoever decides to omit it from his life is the weakest. Rather, the strongest is who decided to keep loving when is mostly hurt.

Search for the strength in love rather than the weakness.

For me, I'm still waiting for that spark in the eyes, for that beat in the heart, for that rush in the body and when the moment is right, I will give it my all. For that is the thing that keeps me alive.

I'm at the backyard

I've been out in the back yard...having a walk

I've been out since like ever, in the background of my life

I've been having a walk amongst my dreams..

The dreams that kept me awake and away from you..

I've lived with you my dream alone, instead of living with you the reality together..may be now, we could have been somewhere else, somewhere better!

That's taking me so far, further than I thought it would..

Far to a place where I lost connection..

Everyone cares about me, and I have nothing to give back..

I've met many strangers and the most one I met was myself..

A stranger to myself I am, when I'm unsure..

Unsure of what I'm doing or where I know I'm heading to..

Shall I retrieve? But why?

Shall I indulge? Still why?

It's a closed spiral and I'm revolving within..

It's a jailed heaven, that I can't find myself in..

I look bakwards and I feel sad..

I look forward and I feel scared..

I look into your eyes and I feel complete ..

And all my guards and fears fall apart..

And all my life gets frozen into that moment of silence...

Locked Up

What was that happened to me? Am I just figuring out what I've been inhabited to since a time that I can't remember when?

Locked up? Locked up with all the contradictive feelings and consequently contradicting words. They're all just locked up, as if surprisingly everytime I don't find any words that can help unlocking what's locked up inside.

There comes a moment when I'm paralyzed for that moment, as if I'm a child within a mature lady figure. Despite how people around me might judge on tha state..actually, I don't really know if they'd see what I'm struggling within? Do they see my feelings of exhasution? confusion? contradictions? trials? diminished self esteem? weak soul? Is it apparent or is it me only seeing me that misrable.

Why haven't I been up to my expectations? Why have I forgotten or let me be more frank and say disregarded my promises to myself? Why haven't I answered these questions? What happened to my tongue? or is it better to ask, what happened to my mind?

Was it the locked up being triggered? Yet, still not finding a word to channel it out, to answer the questions! And how would words find their way to describe an unknown thing, or to describe a roaring sea going outburst, or to describe a dessert that's been finally raining over, or to describe the mix of the 4 seasons at the very same moment? That's the moment when paralysis take place within and silence invades the outside...leaving people to guess their own perceptions towards the only thing they see...my body language.

How can a very good 24 hours spent, end up with a young lady holding her tears from falling, holding her memories to unfold infront of her eyes and holding her expectations and dreams of being imagined and aimed for?

Any person can be unsure of what he wants and dreams of, but how can someone be so unsure of what he feels towards what already happened and signed pages of his life book?

How can a person be asked about what he feels, and the only answer received is silence...just like what's inside?

Today I've figured out that silence is not only a noun or an act, it can sometimes be a state of mind and heart as well.

I want you back

I took your picture to the stars above

Trying to see you from high above

The stars got voice and told me so

Go down to him and tell him so

I cried and cried, looking for you

I cry and cry, still looking for you

You are here but somewhere else

Distant in the arms of someone else

Jailed in one long lasting referee

Can’t find a way out of that referee

I write to you, I want you back

I play our memories forth and back

I remember the good and I remember the bad

The love I have for you makes it not bad

Every little now and then, my heart cries out for you

I pour it down the notes I have and send to you

Not lonely alone

Loneliness..oh, just don't tell me about it. "Human beings can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness. It is the worst of all tortures, and the worst of all sufferings"*. I'm not alone in loneliness, I know.

Loneliness that can become your comfort zone, because you've been just so hardly trying to adapt when you were obliged to live it...just day by day. When you sit at your living room, wishing someone -you love- come in with a cup of tea and share a movie with you..or when all you look forward to is a morning telephone call saying good morning and asking how do you do, when you go out with all your couples friends and go home sleep alone in our cold bed and cry instead of sleep, when you keep worrying about your looks, your wardrobe, your new -not apparent- issue on your face, your half kilo loss or gain in your body, just because you're focusing your energy on yourself only, when you convince yourself that you need no one and that you're better off alone, it's when your surrounded by so many who love you, yet feeling into your seperate shell. That's the same shell that became so hard for anyone to break down and enter.

* Phrase between inverted commas is from "11 minutes" by Paulo Coelho

Who are you?

I saw you but it was like after midnight. I was not sure if it's the darkness around that is hindering me from seeing you, or is it you who was disguised in darkness!

I stood and stared too long, almost from "Hi" to "Bye", my mind was starring at you. I asked "How are you?" when by the end of the day I thought to myself I should have asked "Who are you?" instead.

Yet, I can't be sure enough to conclude whether it was you or me who changed? or is it the both of us? or is it just life and the things we went through?

Who are you? please answer me. You're not the one I used to know, you're not the one I loved. Have I been in love with someone who doesn't exist anymore? Or someone who have never existed in the very first place except in my angelic imaginations.

...and is it true? the person I see now? or is it another output of my mixed up inner storms? or is it the person I imagine you to be to find a reason why I have to let go? or is it not as bad as I see because it's just away from what I desired and expected? or what really is it?

Would you?

Would you listen to my feelings and urges rather than my words when I talk to you?

Would you hold my hands and stroke my senses without taking my permission?

Would you open your arms for me, and embrace me with all the tenderness I know you have?

Would you see what's good in me, show me what's good around and what's good in you?

Would you tell me it's forever and that you'll never let me go?

Would you call every night before you sleep because you like to hear my voice last thing in night?

Would you look into my eyes and let the two rivers of thoughts unite? Yours and mine..

Would you escort me to your inner hidden areas; the spots you don't let anyone in?

Would you surprise me one day and do something happily unexpected?

Would you distinguish me from the other people you know and show it?

Would you treat me like a lady and let me treat you like a man?

Would you point at me infront of your friends and show me to the whole world?

Would you give me authority to support you whenever you need it?

Would you show me how would you like to be loved and spoiled?

Would you remind me every now and then that it's me and only?

Would you let me put on the wings I've got to be the person I've always dreamt to be?

Would you come to me wherever I am just because you miss me and can't wait longer to meet?

Would you get it from my eyes and not wait till I confess what is it that I really want?

At the blue cafe

The words kept running across their minds
Just like how their soup was mixed up in the bowel in front of them
Yes, it was one bowel…they decided to eat it together with the sweet and sour taste it brings

They couldn’t really catch a snap shot for what they truly wanted
Like people who lost their way to heaven
Or those who lost their way in hell
Or even those who were lost wondering…
If they’re the ones who know or the ones who don’t care

Their wonders and their thoughts drifted them away
Away from the joy of the moment,
And away from the real moment of joy

Their words were still stuck at their throats
And their soup wasn’t getting any colder

A song was playing at the back of the scene
It moved them from they are, to where they would like to be
Or to a déjàvu that flashed back many buried memories…yet still hung dreams
Dreams that are portrayed and are decorating the walls of their hearts
The hearts that grew old when they were so young…yet still beating
Beating to live, but seldom it is living to beat


Their hands longed to touch,
Their bodies long to melt,
Their breaths longed to meet,
They missed intimacy, not in itself, but with each other

Their knocking calls were stuck at their throats
And their soup wasn’t getting any colder

Put on to each other a visionary gown of hopes
Perfectly simulated the roads to ends
Consciously established a code of excuses
With no promises to hold on to

In silence it was all shared
In public it was all noticed
In vein it was all claimed

Their hopes were stuck at their throats
And their soup wasn’t getting any colder
And it was all kept as their little secret, locked up at the blue cafe

You

Every night I open the photo I have for you
And I smile because I imagine you're smiling to me..not the camera
I imagine you were thinking if I'll like your photo when I see it
I imagine you were imaging us taking this photo together

I let your photo be the last thing I look at before sleeping
And the first to look at when I wake up
And I surely dream of you when I'm asleep
Because I can't fall asleep until I imagine myself sleeping in your arms,
My head on your chest and feel it

And when the morning comes and I have a day to spend
I can smell you even when you’re not around
May be because you're always crossing my mind
I can feel your touch and savor your taste
I can hear your voice through the darkest silence

I’m never really alone, because you’re always with me
I can’t let you go, I need you like the heart needs the beats
Like the sky needs the sun, like the bird needs the wings

It’s been so long when it’s like just yesterday
It’s been so painful when it’s like just the sweetest candy
My feelings are like the roaring sea,
Waves don’t stop pushing itself to the shore,
In need to settle on the beach and take a breath,
And you’re pulling me calmly in the midst of the lonely sea
In the deepest mazes, that seem to have no end point

For me, people are you and everyone else is not you
And you is what I consistently and badly want

Silence

Silence is a great teacher, if only we give ourselves the chance to listen well to it
It is a great relief, when we learn how to give ourselves to it
It is an eye opener to closed arenas within us, if we have the ability to use it
It is a best friend as soon as we get used to it
It is an enemy when devil's thoughts come to ruin it
It is a shock if you're expecting someone who never shows to break it
It is a space for more confusion or more clarity
It is the practice for connecting with the self
It is the skill of the wise
It is a tool for multiple messages
It is a double-edged weapon, that if we can't use it well, might kill us

Still

I caught myself smiling today..
I figured out that you crossed my mind..
You crossed it with an image when we were still together..

I can still see your smile, when seeing me and telling me you miss me..
I can still smell your odour, as if I'm still in your arms..
I can still hear that voice, the most peaceful tone I've ever heard..
I can feel you from distances still

I've moved on, just thought to tell you..
But you might have not noticed that you're still keeping me..
You've kept me a long time ago..
May be we don't talk anymore..but you're still hanging on..
As it was not the physical connection more than the spiritual one..
Our spirits are hanging on still..

I wonder why you grabbed me, when one day you had to leave me..
I wonder why you didn't hold on to me when I turned my back and went away..
I wonder why you're accompanying others that won't love you the same way..
I wonder if I can bet that you'll never meet someone like me again..
I still wonder because the answers I found were too tough to realize..
If I surrender to my answers, You would be a devil to me..
I'm not able to see you a devil..
With all your flaws, you're my guardian still

I'll keep you in my memory..staying still
I'll avoid you in reality..hoping still

Out of Reasons

Every time I miss you, I think if you miss me as well?..
I check your updates to see you indulged like hell..

I remember watching my phone, waiting for a reply on my sms..
Staying awake all night to listen to what you say and confess..

You saw my calls as interfering and not as missing you..
My visits when you're sick as demanding when I just wanted to be there beside you..

What I gave as unsatisfactory, over looking it was my biggest compromise..
I thought I believed all what you say, and then I could see some lies...

Accused me for my emotions, when it was what made me stand your flaws..
Was against my logical thinking, because it was the only reason to let you go...

Used honesty as your sword, to cut me and save yourself from blame...
Because you were sure my love for you, will let me accept the pain...

Deprived me from your sweet care unless you wanted something..
Then left me days hanging, sadly wondering what will tomorrow bring...

Showed me how to be a lady, and then killed the lady that evolved...
Pressed on my deepest buttons, then pretended you're not invovled...

I loved you with my heart, and you loved me, but was weaker than to admit...
Could create all the reasons to convince me that to me you can't commit...

Complained about the daily access, and our different life styles..
Forgot it was you who started, and who was offended by his own styles..

Hope you're now in the beloved hands, that would satisfy your aspirations..
Having no daily access issues, nor life styles and emotional complications..


I thought of why I miss you still? Couldn't find a reason...
I thought of why I love you still? Couldn't find a reason..
If only love needed reasons to exist..

Like a child...

‎Like a child you need me there, but you would leave me to play everywhere around.

Like a child you shower me with your tenderness, only when you need some candy

Like a child when you're in trouble, you run to me, seek my hug and cry without letting me know what went wrong

Like a child you might act and lie -innocently- to appear good in my eyes

Like a child you forget everything I did for you, once things don't turn out the way you want

Like a child you frown once I start asking for some order or shouting loud because you've been neglecting my requests for so long

Like a child and I like you, but I wouldn't choose to be your mum.

Neither Optimistic nor Pessimistic

It’s not extreme optimism, because your hopes can be broken...
It’s not extreme pessimism, because your soul needs hope to keep moving on...

It’s Optimistic Realism or Reality Optimisms.

It’s about finding that very fine line drawn between slipping behind what the soul dreams of –which might not be realistic- and surrendering to the reality –which compared to the soul’s dreams would be very depressing.


It’s about finding “HOPE” in “REALITY” and that is a skill.

Life !

Life is strange when:
Your dearest friend becomes a stranger
Your source of peace becomes your greatest fear
Your loveliest dreams become your worst nightmares
Your guaranteed destination becomes unknown
Your smiles become your tears
Your tears become your laughter
Your enemies once become your refugee for good
Your beliefs become your obstacles
Your hardships become your lessons
Your hardest pain becomes one day the least pain
Your highest ambition becomes one day the easiest
It offers you one thing but should take away another thing
You don't accept except what's perfect and you end up having barely nothing
You let go of the things you want and they come back to you
and struggle hard for the things you're dying for and don't get them...

Life !

My Drive Through.

I don't want to live my future in my past,
I don't want the happy moments to move too fast,

I don't want to love out of desperation,
I don't want to start over without preparation,

I don't want to cry over who broke my heart,
I don't want to treasure who chose to be apart,

I don't want to look pale when I look at the mirror,
I don't want to keep running away out of horror,

I don't want to get tricked with another sweet word,
I don't want to forget how you hurt me by what was told,

I don't want to think of you first thing when I wake up,
I don't want to fall asleep while you're in my heart, locked up,


I don't want to..
...and that's my drive through.

Time for cleaning!

It's been along time since I visited this house. I can't even remember if I ever did!

I was unsure if the leys I have will open the house door, but I thought to give it a try...won't lose anything anyway.

It was opened...sound of the door opening was disturbing and i could immediately smell the dust.
How old?
How dark?
How cold?
How messy and chaoetic?
How haven't I ever noticed?
Why did I leave it all this time?

Oh, feels like nostalgia....memories drifting me away from the purpose I came in here, but in a way they make me feel good.

There are many good stuff in here, why wasn't I using them? why didn't I nurture them?

I can't miss this house anymore...I can't miss myself further.
It's time for cleaning the house....that one I have inside of me.