Take me home

Have you ever heard about “crying without tears”? Certainly, we all did. Have you ever thought what is it really about? I found out tonight.

After days and nights of constant fears, confusions, frustrations, shocks and disappointments, I found it all out.

It’s the heart crying instead of the eyes, and the blood falling instead of the tears…a constant whole in my heart. Constant bleeding…can’t find a way to stop it.

And how would I stop it when everything reminds me of you?

My friends, my home, my family, my work, my car, my clothes, my stuff, the places I go, the songs I hear, the books I read, the thoughts I write….everything! Even my own breaths and heart beats, reminds me of you.

I stay in bed holding my pillow so tight in my hug, trying to fill in the emptiness I feel inside, the out of life sucked feelings….the heart that passed away.
Then I look at my right hand, it also reminds me of you..and I reach it out to hold your hands, with which I felt warmth, but I only reach out to my other hand…trying to feel complete on my own.

I close my eyes that rarely taste sleep now, I try to let go, taking a deep breath in, while taking in all what I have to swallow, then I exhale with hopes all the hurt might get out with my breath.

The dream I had one day is turning into a nightmare, and I can’t help but feel like I’ll never wake up.

I don’t want to run away, but I can’t take it and I don’t understand what the world is trying to tell me.

You developed the desperate within me. Don’t get tricked with that smile on my face.

May anyone take me home?