Diary-1: Think Twice

My diaries as a rollercoaster rider describe not only me and how I think or feel, it describes many feelings around us that might be hidden and concealed. Contradictions of reality with fake, of words with actions, of love with anger, of optimism with hopelessness and of good with evil.

Every time I go up on a roller coaster or see people up there, I think I should look at the mirror and … “Think Twice”; may be what we see is not necessarily what is real! And I think …

“Would I be disrespectful for expressing my pure human needs, why not natural?
Would I be rude for not being a hypocrite, why not straight forward?
Would I be aggressive for stating my case assertively, why not confident?
Would I be a child when I hang on to these things I love, why not loyal?
Would I be naïve when I keep pending judgment till I have reasoning, why not understanding?
Would I be ignoring when I delay my act till I have wise judgment, why not mature?
Would I be disloyal when I leave those who did not try to keep me, why not unfortunate?
Would I be a liar when I hide the truth not to hurt someone, why not considerate?
Would I be bold when I do what I think is right even if no one agrees with me, why not positive?
Would I be ignorant if I keep asking, why not learning?
Would I be flabby if I accept all types of diversity, why not open minded?
Would I be a sly when I don’t share every tiny detail about myself, why not private?
Would I be hasty when I defend myself before being attacked, why not protective?
Would I be pretending when I’m trying to act and think like how I want to be, why not ambitious?
Would I be inhuman when I do whatever it takes to achieve my goals, why not determinant?
Would I be a weirdo when I think of something no one before me thought of, why not creative?
Would I be stupid when I’m not convinced with your points of view, why not doubtful?
Would I be coward when I keep my mouth shut just because I need some more time, why not wise?
Would I be uninvited when I am mistaken even if for the first time, why not forgive me?
Would I be fanatical when I keep loving you not waiting for anything in return, why not devoted?
Would I be judged for what I thought of even if I didn’t do, why not thoughtful?
Would I be crazy for laughing the loudest when I’m badly hurt, why not adapting?
Would I be anonymous when I disregard my needs for the sake of yours, why not compassionate?
Would I be unkind when I speak up and ask for my rights, why not certain?
Would I be interfering when I keep asking how you’re doing, why not caring?
Would I be desperate when you leave me and I come back to you, why not loving?
Would I be selfish if I expect a compromise, why not optimistic?
Would I be stubborn when I don't let go of my dreams, why not hopeful?”

And it all can be turned right side left, once trust is lost, when we start doubting not only ourselves, but everything and everyone around us. They say trust people till they prove untrustworthy, and I say “Don’t trust people till they prove trustworthy” …and when you trust them, they still may turn you down and then you’ll be left shocked.

I AM SHOCKED !!!