Thursday, April 26, 2012

Safe Love...Love More, Suffer Less

No one is saved from love's killing poisons. Probably we get stuck with our life, lose interest, fall out of love and into depression, lead a lousy misrable life for some time, until something happens to get us back on track again. May it be another love, a new motive in life, or a dramatic change over. Yet, we all have played the love game unsafely, at least once.

After a heart break and heart ache, people usually resign to the extremists' "Love is weakness" syndrome, others fall into the trap of "I can never love again" , others are pain lovers who keep on loving the same way and getting hurt the same way, some might get arrested by the "love fear" sickness and escape every single potential person, while very few think about "Safe Love".
Just like Safe Sex..you can have the tool, to have sex freely. You can have sex freely, yet you don't have 100% guarantee pregnancy (which is pain in Safe Love) won't take place!

From that point on, here are some seriuos points that will help you love greater and suffer less:
1. Let your mind lead. At the very first phase of any pre-relationship, we are usually hungry for love, jumping to conclusions and to the next steps. Love is not blind, Rush is! Learn how to hold your emotional energy horses to give your mind the space to think.
2. Give your mind the right filteration tool to be able to lead your heart. This needs you to know more about yourself. The first filteration tool is; What's your strengths that you need your partner to maintain and the weaknesses that you need your partner to accept, tolerate and compensate the relationship with? If -for example- you have low self esteem, then why do pressure yourself to be with someone who lowers it even more! Never double your trouble just because you want love and to settle. The second filteration tool is your vision. Knowing your vision, how do you want your life style to be, where are your objectives and ambitions taking you in life, should be an indicator to who can support you going there and not on his/her expense, it's because he/she is going there anyway as well.
3. Define Love. Love is not the passion, rush and butterflies we experience at the begining of any relationship, these are only chemistry and biology that fade away with time (which is the time we think we stopped loving the other person and which is not true). Love is never ending as long as it's ever nurtured. Love is the more understanding of each other that we go through and the more adapting and fitting we feel towards the other. Love is only real when it's accompanied by being married, living in the same house, and having complete sex.That's why it's called "Falling in love, because it takes time, has phases and then you're finally in love with the ultimate intimacy that exist in a relationship;complete sex. And that's why also, sex is not recommended very early in any relationship, it's just unnatural to the "falling in love" concept, it might even kill love very early. What's before all that is passion, attachement, liking, admiration, etc, which is important, but don't mix love with other definitions and make it easier on yourself.
4.Give your heart a breath only after you're 100% convinced. Don't settle for what's less than what you want. If that person can't give you ALL what you need and MOST of what you like then this relationship won't be a good lasting one, which means love's pain at the day you might decide to break up. Compared to the decision of breaking up when it's just a mental process that proved an undesired output."Life is just way too fun to be stuck in some relationship that isn't really all that satisfying" (Better single than sorry, a book by Jen Schefft)
5. During falling in love and being in love, don't forget the above 4 points.
Also, always remember that safe love needs safe communication, and needs two to tango to pass the natural turbulances any love and any relationship is exposed to

Friday, May 27, 2011

10 reasons why you need to read "Chocolate Cake"

1. It's a book about life and love, you will definitly understand it. Specially that the choice of words is not complicated.
2. You will find some -if not all- thoughts in the book hitting on an experience you once went through.
3. You will find the words expressing what you might have been unable to express at a point of time
4. It's only 106 pages, can be finished in one day. SO youdon't have to worry about how much time you'll spend reading it.
5. It contains some theories, or practical experiences brief, which canbe helpful for you to go through certain situations in your life
6. It will help you convert negative experiences into positive outcomes and feelings
7. If I am your friend, then this is a reason why you need to read it. Support :) Else, what friends are for?
8. If you're a chocolate cake lover, that's another important reason to read it.
9. You can find many quotes inside the book that might change your paradigm shift towards certain things in life
10. It might inspire you to think about extended concepts or even to write about them

Where to find the book?
Check its page on facebook to know and share the discussions:http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643#!/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Quotes I wrote...19.5.2011


  • It's not what you say...it's how you say it. It's not what you say...it's what you do that conforms to your sayings

  • Life without love is like not living at all

  • Even though it seems like a step closer to you, but it's the same step that pushes me even further.

  • Don't search for love...THINK about it

  • Distances of souls are far more meaningful than distances of place.

  • This is a time when the extremely uncommon becomes extremely common. This is a time when who is not solid enough would be common enough. Just because solid enough won't be enough.

  • The day I had let you go, was the day my life returned back to me. I just happened to notice later that it doesn't fit with me anymore

  • Still one piece...still breathing...but unsure she's alive. Pain is harder when it's accumulative. Forgetting is not easy when forgiving seems impossible

  • Satisfaction is a bless. It doesn't need materialistic nor emotional coverage. It's just a bless from above.

  • Can't you feel the coldness of loneliness? It's freezing...like hell. A freezed century in a moment's time. And it's killing the most when you have many people to be with, yet you find yourself stepping back under the conviction that you won't be enjoying your time with

  • Some people are just lucky; they find what they want before even wanting it. Others pray for what they want and get it. Some wait too long before they get it and might get it when they lose interest. Others just keep waiting for a dream that's destined to never come true. Yet, they all suffer in different terms

  • It takes a woman only ONE lie to lose her trust in a man...ONLY one lie

  • For everyone who hurt me or caused me pain. Thank You for making me stronger. You gave me something I didn't deserve. And I'm giving you forgiveness, which is also something you don't deserve

  • I believe that the stronger people seem to be, the more fragile they are inside...and vice versa

  • People forget that what they say, will never be unsaid...and what they do, will never be undone. Effects last a lifetime, whether good or bad

  • We truly know ourselves, only when we go beyond our own limits...

  • More important than understanding each other when talking, is understanding each other in silence

  • Any person can be unsure of what he wants and dreams of, but how can someone be so unsure of what he feels towards what already happened and signed pages of his life book?
    There are some truths that are never realized nor believed, no matter how long they stay and no matter how sane we are

  • Sometimes we escape from the life that we can't bear anymore to a life that can't be be even lived

  • In every situation you pass through and every person you are with, you choose to see the things that make you happy or those that make you sad...
    Soon is only really "soon" when it seems like never happening

Visit my first book's page at:
htp://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643

Monday, May 16, 2011

My first book OUT: Chocolate Cake. Diaries after release.

"How do you feel?" ... has been the most common phrase/question that I heard over the last couple of days.

My first book being released and published! WOW!

The idea itself is still a new introduction to my psychic system, that it's taking me some tme to analyse or understand how do I truly feel.

It's not just happiness. It's not just an achievement. It's not just people's eyes brightening around you. It's not just the smile on my face that I don't know how to hide it. It's not just a wind of change. It's something else...may be a mixture of all these things, may be something brand new that I still need some time to grasp and understand.
Other friends of mine expressed their worries that I might change, that we might no longer be close friends, and that I won't be available like before! Of Course NOT. As long as I have good friends around me, why would I let them away? Moreover, you're one of the reasons why I'm where I am today.

Some were very curiuos, when they found their name in acknowledgement page in the book, to know what were the thoughts they inspired me with. I guess everyone would wonder at a point of time, which of the thoughts concerns him/her. Whichever they are, I am grateful that you were the trigger that blew all my thoughts on paper and gave me the first step to be an author.

I received a phone call from my cousin yesterday, who has just started his photography exhibitions recently and who is going through the same feelings that I"m expecting to go through. All his words indicated that this is a life's turn around, specially inwhat concerns my social life!

"How do you feel?".."I"m so proud of you" .. "From where can I get it?" .. "I got it" .. "I love the cover" .. "How did you do it?" .. "I wanna do the same" .. "You're dream came true" .. "One day 'll tell my friends that I have a friend who's a famous writer"...all were phrases and questions that were condensed since I announced the release of the book. That's beside the congrats, the kisses, the hugs, the photos, the flowers and all types of greetings received. Actually, my writing skills cannot find words that express how happy I am. All what I can say is that I've never been more grateful than now, grateful to you all and to God in the first place.

Follow the book "Chocolate Cake" at:http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Chocolate-Cake-by-Farida-Fakher-Coming-Soon/166934203363643

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Blue Cafe -Short Story

He left his couch. Got dressed in the only clean shirt he has got in his closet, and jeans. Washed his face and brushed his teeth, combed his hair but haven’t looked a second at himself in the mirror, even though he did all that in front of the mirror. He grabbed his keys chain off the living room table. He turned off all the lights, opened his apartment door and left. Drove his car, not knowing where he’s heading. He just wanted an outlet, a renew, a solution, a recovery..just a way out of that cloud he’s been hanged within since so long…as if his house was that cloud and getting out of it would get him out of the cloudy weather…he felt so.

She’s on bed, thinking. She’s been in bed since so long. Her “sleep” mode, her “bed” mental syndrome that seems to never be apart from her living pattern. Doing nothing but living her fantasy. She realized she can’t stand this state any longer. She went up, had a shower, put on a white evening dress that gives her an angelic look, put on her natural make up that lets her look pure and fresh, sprayed her elegant perfume that would torture anyone in her close arena . She grabbed her keys chain off the living room table. She turned off all the lights, opened her apartment door and left. Drove her car, not knowing where she’s heading. She just wanted to wake up from the state she’s in. She wanted someone to throw cold water on her face, or slap her in the face to wake up. She wanted to clean all the dust that had accumulated on her and her heart as a result of staying still for a long time. As if, dressing to impress and getting out of her home to no specific where, is what will wake her up…she felt so.

He and She, the cloudy weather and the sleeping princess…met by destiny at a place they both reached by their cars when they left their house. A place, yet, not a destination…might be a transit, or might be a good accommodation…or might be only a state of mind, a state of souls or a state of being.
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Far away…behind the mountains, the rivers, the forests, the skies and behind anything anyone could imagine, the blue café existed.
Yes, it exists in us, at the back ground of our thoughts, behind the walls of our imaginations.
The Blue Café; a place of peace and a source of happiness, regardless if this would be temporary.
It’s a little spot, that’s opened 24-7…in our minds. It’s a hub that gathers your dreams. It’s a refuge.

The blue café is not blue in its color as blue in its senses. And it’s not the blues, rather, it is the blue of the ocean; deep, wide and embracing. There’s no ending to the blue café, no boundaries and no people, there are no creatures at all and that’s why it’s never ruined, unlike our imagination. That’s why people always dream of the blue café but they can never really go there. Yet, you can virtually –feel- like being there.

In the Blue Café there’s no one but you, even though it’s full of people. Everyone is in his own universe and you cannot see them there or feel their presence. You cannot see except those you want around you, even if they’re not present at the blue café at the same time you are.
When you put in your first step inside, you find nicely dressed and handsome receptionists welcoming you inside. “Welcome to the Blue Café, we wish you happy moments” they say. They also give a pair of wings for every visitor when entering the blue café. That was essential to have a seat, just like the essentiality of reserving before going to a special place.

Everyone at the blue café is accustomed to the blue café traditions, as if they belonged there or as if they were the founders, or as if they were special clients who are used to visiting the blue café a lot.
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“He” and “She” have always dreamt of going to the blue café. They thought -from what they hear- that it’s positioned by the sea, some said it’s over a mountain, others said it’s an island in the middle of the sea, others assumed it’s a café hanging among the clouds, and others have let their imagination guide them to a café that is placed over the rainbow.

Some people even got down to the details of it; it’s decoration, the seating, the types of music that are played, the programs which fill the café with life and even the menu and what type of food is offered, however, these were only imaginary descriptions.

“He” parked his car and entered the café. It was full of no one but him. “She” parked her car and entered the café. It was full of no one but herself and that other man.

Same table, same seat, same order, same impression.

She stood up, took two steps forward towards the other table, where “He” was sitting, pulled out the chair opposite to him and made herself comfortable on the chair.

Neither of them talked or moved, yet, that doesn’t mean there was no communication happening!

The words kept running across their minds … Just like how their soup was mixed up in the bowel in front of them. Yes, it was one bowel…they decided to eat it together with the sweet and sour taste it brings. They couldn’t really catch a snap shot for what they truly wanted; like people who lost their way to heaven, or those who lost their way in hell, or even those who were lost wondering if they’re the ones who know or the ones who don’t care.

Their wonders and their thoughts drifted them away…away from the joy of the moment,and away from the real moment of joy. Their words were still stuck at their throats, and their soup wasn’t getting any colder.

A song was playing at the back of the scene. It moved them from where they are, to where they would like to be, or to a déjàvu that flashed back many buried memories…yet still hung dreams… dreams that are portrayed and are decorating the walls of their hearts; the hearts that grew old when they were so young…yet still beating…beating to live, but seldom it is living to beat.

Their hands longed to touch, their bodies long to melt, their breaths longed to meet, they missed intimacy, not in itself, but with each other. Their knocking calls were stuck at their throats… and their soup wasn’t getting any colder.

They put on to each other a visionary gown of hopes, perfectly simulated the roads to ends, and consciously established a code of excuses, with no promises to hold on to.

In silence it was all shared…In public it was all noticed…In vein it was all claimed. Their hopes were stuck at their throats, and their soup wasn’t getting any colder, and it was all kept as their little secret, locked up at the blue café.

That was all a two way communication between them both, a moment of deep interconnection, the spark of passion mixed with a glance of fear, the boldness of obsession together with shyness of expression, a briefed history background movie played that was mingled with the unknown alternative scenarios. Nothing is meaningful more than the silent interaction; nothing is dreadful more than knowing it, yet, not having a proof.

By the clock, they’ve just met. But by the blue café’s world, they’ve been always there together. Their eyes kept hanging on each other; they haven’t yet expressed a word, but it wasn’t too long when the waiter interrupted and helped the ice berg built by the days being apart to melt.
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“Would you like to make your order now, Sir?”

For a moment, a snapshot could have been taken for the same thought thread flashing across their minds. What type of order? Yes, if there’s an order I can make, it’s that to escort us to each other, it’s to remove all the barriers between us, it’s to blink and see us together –with all what together holds of meanings.

The waiter took the orders and slipped away, as if he could sense he had disrupted a calmly flowing conversation between two lovers.

“I’m so down since you went away”
“This would double my trouble. I’m so down too”
“I miss you”
“I miss you more”
“Where have you been?”
“Close”
“What do you know that’s new?”
“I’ve stopped knowing anything new since you became a history”
“Why did you leave me?”
“I wanted to ask you the same question!”
“I’m sorry I hurt you”
“It’s me who has to apologize”
“Where are you going to?”
“I want to go with you”
“Come here”
“I want to, but I can’t...I’m still the same old story”
“Why are you complicating things?”
“Complicating things comes with different terms to you”
“I don’t care, I just want you and no one but you”
“I know, I want you too and no one but you. But I don’t want to get any of us into trouble, I don’t want to lose myself, I don’t want to cry at the end, I don’t want to seem stupid, I don’t want to ruin our friendship”
“Come on, nothing would happen as long as we’re honest and as long as we know when to take a u-turn”

“That’s the point, I don’t want to have a u-turn with you, I just want to drive the high way with you, to a destination that we both agree on and that no matter what happens and no matter the differences, we’ll do what it takes to reach it safely and happily; that’s the meaning of love. It always finds a way through”

Here, the conversation’s thread of thought seemed to come to an end, without any clear reason regardless the excuses being explained. And it doesn’t matter who said what in the conversation, because each one of them was saying something and thinking the other"

Here, the blue café seemed different. The blue café crashed with reality, that sometimes no one really understands, even the person explaining it. The reality made up by us, the reality we perceive and that might not essentially be the real reality.

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Farida Fakher Writings: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Farida-Fakher-Writings/132029340204107
Chocolate Cake Book: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chocolate-Cake-A-Book-by-Farida-Fakher/358035160890093
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